I've been reading a series in the LA Times called "Dirty John." From a clinician's angle, one can understand how the victim's upbringing, faith, and naïveté come together like a perfect storm, but the human in me keeps wanting to scream, "How could you not see all the red flags?" I did not listen to the podcast, since I am more a reader. I will update this post with all the links as they are published.
"This series is based on multiple interviews with Debra Newell, Jacquelyn Newell, Terra Newell, Arlane Hart, Shad Vickers, Tonia Sells Bales, Karen Douvillier, Donna Meehan Stewart, investigators, attorneys and other sources. Christopher Goffard also reviewed thousands of pages of court documents, police reports, restraining orders and prison records, as well as text messages and emails."
Chapter One:
Chapter Two:
Chapter Three:
Chapter Four:
Chapter Five:
Chapter Six:
So, reader, I am asking for your thoughts. There is a Chinese saying that goes something like this (and I am wildly paraphrasing here): "Those who are on the outside can see much more clearly than those who are in the inside." What makes us so blind to red flags?
As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.
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Reading this, it's so easy to judge. How could she have been so naive and stupid? Why did she keep ignoring the red flags? Stop blaming the victim. He manipulated her, isolated her, humiliated her, terrorized her, threatened her. He knew her vulnerability and used it against her.
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