Who is this Murphy guy?

So little time and Murphy is wreaking his havoc! There is only so much planning one can do. Things will always go wrong. You would hope you had anticipated everything that could go wrong, but Murphy always has something up his sleeve, especially when you have a tight schedule! The only thing to do is improvise as much as possible and hope to get things back on track.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. When was the last time you encountered a situation that completely threw you off course? What did you do to salvage the situation?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I love my job (Part III)

I love what I do. I'm a problem-solver and I'd like to think an organization keeps getting stuck is because "there are parameters and there are limitations to thinking outside the box!"

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you found yourself in a situation where you think, "What?" And, "Is there by anything that might prevent us from responding differently"

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to ubetter understand your story.

Time flies!

I've been really busy. By the time I get home I don't think about writing a post for the blog. I should get back on it. It's always fun to write on this blog like it's a public journal, just random thoughts and no identifying information.

So, what's new?

Well, I just started a new job this week. It was what I expected and more. The trick is to make it my own and win over the staff. I've done that before. It just takes time. Everything seems urgent, and there's a reason for it. "Time and tide waits for no man," eh? On the other hand, "Keep calm and carry on!" It's a crisis only if I allow it to be.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you had to deal with sudden changes beyond your expectations? How did you deal with the situation?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Clean up in aisle six!

I just started a new job today. I almost always joke that pretty much every job I've had has been "clean up in aisle six." Usually it's because someone leaves employment involuntarily or unexpectedly or the position has been vacant for a while. You never know how bad things will be.

I don't really mind. It's a good way to make the job my own. The only times I'd been frustrated was finding out my predecessor had been derelict in their duties, which in turn jeopardized quality assurance or accreditation. Unfortunately, it happened a lot. Either they no longer cared, or they never did in the first place and were at risk of being found out, or they were found out and they had to go. That is always a very sad commentary.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you had to take over from someone and thought to yourself, What is going on here? Or, what else am I going to find that they didn't do?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Which part of "I'm not interested" don't you understand?

So, I was meeting a friend for drinks before dinner, and she was running late. I thought I was loud enough when I told the bartender I was waiting for someone. This guy, who apparently had been at the bar by himself for a while, decided to chat me up (cue eye roll), so I played the game of "balancing being courteous and keeping my distance."

We went to a known dyke bar after dinner (my friend IS lesbian, but she's not in the market), and she got chatted up by this guy old enough to be her grandfather (cue eye roll, again). The Southern girl she is, she tried to be polite, but he asked way too many questions and she couldn't help being honest. She didn't know how to tell him to mind his own business. Even the other old guy next to him (I don't think they know each other) gave me a knowing look like, yeah, he's so not getting it.

Here's the deal. The first place is a pub, not a singles bar. People usually go with friends to a pub to hang out. The second one is known to be a lesbian bar, so, guys, don't even bother. Really. Going to a dyke bar to pick up chicks has got to be one of the most moronic things men can do.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you been in a situation where you've gotten it totally wrong? How did you save yourself from embarrassment? Or, have you been in a social situation where you think, this guy/gal/person has gotten it really wrong? Did you try to save them from embarrassing themselves even further, or did you just let them be?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Imposter Syndrome

If you've never heard of it, it's the thought that you're just winging it and you're going to be found out sooner or later that you're just pretending to know what you're doing. The fact is, unlike a real imposter, it's your mind playing tricks on you. Have you ever had a moment of self-doubt? That's normal!

Life is never straightforward, and there is always a first time. Just imagine how boring life would be if everything was routine all the time.

Always be aware of your own limitations. Know what you know, know what you don't know, and know what to do if you don't know. A challenge is only a problem to be solved.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you ever thought to yourself, "I'm in way over my head?" Was it real or were you just imagining it? Have you ever pretended to be more of an expert than you really are? Have you ever had people question your competence despite your qualifications?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Gala/Fundraiser Dinner season is coming!

Most nonprofits have their fundraiser dinners/galas towards the end of the year, so the last three months will be a busy and expensive time for those of us who want to support organizations that promote causes dear to our hearts.

I wish I could support every social service agency, but my resources and finances are limited, so I have to be judicious. I'm also very curious to learn how some are so much better at attracting sponsors and donors and how different organizations price their tickets for their galas.

I'm always horrified, regardless of the reality, by the way many nonprofits account for their finances. Of course they have operational expenses. They have to pay rent and utilities (maybe), salaries (almost always), supplies (mostly), and other expenses. It's when donations primarily cover operational expenses where there is a problem. Funders, donors, and sponsors are not interested in giving money to pay for non-programmatic expenses. This is why even well-established nonprofits get a bad reputation when it comes to accounting.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Do you have specific organizations you support? Do you look their their financial statements to make sure they are responsible financial custodians?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I love my job (Part II)

A student, who's actually older than I, who has often repeatedly made known they have enough experience in the field to learn anything new or useful (I get that once in a while), has been expressing their gratitude for making them rethink how they approach their job. Result!

Apparently I have a reputation for being tough. Maybe I cultivate that image to get students prepared. My faculty certainly helps perpetuate that image. I've had students tell me they were terrified of me, based on what they've heard, until they figured out I was fair but tough. It's not easy to get an A, but if you do, you can be assured you've earned it.

Sometimes there is resistance. Maybe they're testing someone new from their perspective. My analogy is the substitute teacher: what can we get away with? It's important to be consistent. I also like to start tough and then loosen it a little as they understand the expectations. It's certainly easier than the other way round.

The biggest mistake a new supervisor or teacher can make is try to be a friend first. I feel being lenient should be an exception, not an expectation.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. I'm interested in hearing how you cultivate success in others. Have you had to salvage a situation that has gone out of hand because expectations weren't clear? Have you had to deal with leadership that provides little to no leadership?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Sexual harassment and the balance of power

It took three days to bring down one of the most powerful men in Hollywood. Technically. Three days from the publication of an investigative exposé to him being fired by the board of the company he co-founded. The story spanned decades, but it took that long to gather the evidence.

I keep reading: Why now? Or, yeah, they knew what they were getting themselves into. And no one else said anything? Classic victim blaming.

When you're starting out, you might put up with inappropriate behaviors because it might be implied that you might "never work in this town again." You might not even realize that's not acceptable. Or you know that's wrong but you don't think you have other choices or options. Especially in a cut-throat industry, it's either put up or put out.
 
Manipulators know whom they can manipulate. He did not pull the same trick with established actresses because they didn't need him. That's why they're caught off-guard. If they heard the rumors, they were in denial.
                 
It's an open secret, but unless you understand the human psyche, don't judge. We're VERY good at denial; it's a very powerful defense mechanism. Just imagine how devastating it would be to face and acknowledge every adversity and humiliation.

So, reader, I am asking for your thoughts. Have you ever faced a situation when you just didn't want to acknowledge what was happening? Do you think we are foolish to want to protect ourselves by pretending bad things aren't actually happening?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

The Dove ad controversy

On face value, it looks racist. Use the product and you can go from Black to White. There are photos to prove it.

What most people don't bother to finish is there's another change. The White female pulls her blouse off over her head and she magically turns into an Asian female. I'm having a hard time finding a photo for that because it doesn't fit the outrage narrative.

I see the message as, it works on every skin type, but the message got lost in the outrage over a racist undertone.

Was there a deliberate plan for subtle racism? Who knows? We can read whatever we want into it. Could they have done it differently to get the same message across? Absolutely! It's never about intention. It's always about perception.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you encountered situations that cause outrage that were less than clearcut? How mindful do we have to be balancing an innocuous message with the risk of offending people's sensibility?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Say something, anything

Are you on Facebook? Do you get curious and read post comments? Do you read comments for ads, aka sponsored posts?

I like reading comments, because I want to know what other people think. Unfortunately, I also almost instantly regret the train wreck. Social media gives people a voice, but in exchange many people switch off their brains. Non-substantive, incoherent, and irrelevant posts usually get points deducted in my line of work!

I'm sometimes curious about products being sold. You usually see them as sponsored posts. It sounds more innocuous, doesn't it, to still call them "posts?" I'm curious because they tend to be unusual products and the posts can be pretty slick.  But that's not my pet peeve. What I don't get is all the comments!

Are these people for real? Can't they read? Are they real people who post for the world to see how stupid they are? Are they fake profiles that the advertisers have created just to inflate engagement? Why don't they create intelligent fake people? Is it because they think they should lower the IQ of their fake fans to appeal to the masses? I weep for humanity's future.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What have you read that have made you go "huh" or "aaarrggghhhhh!!!!!!!"?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

What happened to Summer?

I think I missed Summer. I don't remember it at all this year, and the next thing I know, it's Fall already!

The retail industry, of course, never fails to remind us of the holidays, but, seriously, it's not even mid-October and the Christmas decorations are already for sale? We haven't even had Halloween yet, but maybe it's their way of reminding us how terrifying and scary the holidays are nowadays regardless of which holiday.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What do the holidays mean to you? Are they a time to chill and spend time with friends and family? Do you take advantage of the sales? It is a holiday weekend after all (for some, anyway).

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I love vintage

I just spent three hours re-assembling a vintage jewelry box. The little pieces that keep things in place had come undone. It also means it took me forever to glue six little anchor pieces so all the other components would fit.

I love vintage and antique, but there are times I wonder if they ever thought of practicality. It seems like aesthetics had overruled common sense. At least it's not just young people nowadays. Way back when we were already asking, "What were they thinking?"

I have furniture and rugs older than I. I just think there is better craftsmanship. I like buying vintage cocktail or evening dresses knowing the likelihood of showing up at a formal event and not running into someone wearing the same or a very similar dress is close to non-existent, especially if photography for posterity is involved. I know this seems ridiculous, but being photographed too many times wearing the same dress is a problem for me. So sue me!

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Do you buy vintage? Have you ever bought or acquired something old because it's dirt cheap and then found out it could be worth a lot more than what was paid for?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Example of a psychopath

I've been reading a series in the LA Times called "Dirty John." From a clinician's angle, one can understand how the victim's upbringing, faith, and naïveté come together like a perfect storm, but the human in me keeps wanting to scream, "How could you not see all the red flags?" I did not listen to the podcast, since I am more a reader. I will update this post with all the links as they are published.

"This series is based on multiple interviews with Debra Newell, Jacquelyn Newell, Terra Newell, Arlane Hart, Shad Vickers, Tonia Sells Bales, Karen Douvillier, Donna Meehan Stewart, investigators, attorneys and other sources. Christopher Goffard also reviewed thousands of pages of court documents, police reports, restraining orders and prison records, as well as text messages and emails."

Chapter One:

THE REAL THING

Chapter Two:

NEWLYWEDS

Chapter Three:

FILTHY

Chapter Four:

FORGIVENESS

Chapter Five:

ESCAPE

Chapter Six:

TERRA

So, reader, I am asking for your thoughts. There is a Chinese saying that goes something like this (and I am wildly paraphrasing here): "Those who are on the outside can see much more clearly than those who are in the inside." What makes us so blind to red flags?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I'm going to jail

Not really. I’m going to THE jail to meet an old colleague for lunch. He joked he’d be in jail all week. He’s a psychologist. He does therapy AT the jail.

Some of you are aware I enjoy my daily dose of Engrish.com because of how easily it is for English to be mangled by non-native speakers. Actually, many native speakers mangle it, too.

English is probably one of the most ridiculous languages. It has a lot of loan words, grammar is irregular, there are a lot of exceptions, and words are not always pronounced the way they are spelled. No wonder foreigners have such a hard time!


Just take a look at this:

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough —
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!



Or this:

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!


So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What has tripped you up about our (not official/national) language? Do you have pet peeves?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

It may be too secure

I hate it when I have to verify my own identity and I can't answer any of the questions because they're pulled from information from a long time ago. I can't recognize old phone numbers or remember old mailing addresses! There may not have been that many, but who remembers their phone number from 20 years ago? Then they try to trick you with a question where the correct answer is none of the above. I'm beginning to think I'm not sure who I am, according to the algorithms. It feels like breaking into your own house because you've lost your keys.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you been bested by the system when all you want to do is access your own information? I can do with hearing other people's horror stories.

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

History of the Burka

As more European countries ban the burka (and other garments that conceal the wearer's face) and many Americans associate wearing it with traditional Islam practices (it's not), it is important to be educated and informed about what it is and its place in Islam.

I came across this informative piece from today's Telegraph, so I am going to reproduce it here in full.

Background | History of the Burka

The Koran enjoins all Muslims – whether male or female – to dress modestly and refrain from revealing “any parts of their bodies, except that which is necessary”.

Beyond this general instruction, the holy book offers no specific guidance on female clothing. Its pages contain no mention of the burka or, for that matter, of the other varieties of dress that are now associated with Islam, including the hijab, or veil.

The burka appears to have originated in Persia in the 10th century, before slowly spreading to the Arabian Peninsula and present-day Afghanistan and Pakistan. 

In Arabia, a variant known as the "niqab" was promoted by the ultra-conservative Wahhabi school of Islam; in South Asia, the burka was adopted by the Deobandis, the local strand of fundamentalism.

When the Taliban captured Kabul and seized power over most of Afghanistan in 1996, they made it compulsory for all women to wear the burka.

Elsewhere in the Muslim world, the garment remained largely unknown until relatively recently. It was the rise of the Wahhabi and Deobandi traditions which spread the burka to areas where it was previously invisible, including West Africa.

Hardly any women wore the burka in West Africa until two or three decades ago. Today, it remains rare in most countries in the region, explaining why some governments have imposed a ban without a public backlash.

The burka is a reflection of culture rather than an accepted interpretation of Islam and it remains an alien imposition in large areas of the Muslim world. Since the rise of Boko Haram, it has also come to be seen as a security risk, hence the gradual spread of the ban through West Africa.

So, reader, I am asking for your comments. How do you feel about the burka? How about other religious garments? If the purpose of certain garments is to preserve "modesty," how does culture affect the definition of modesty? Do you think the current climate is contributing to how a garment that may be oppressive or voluntary is perceived?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.