Bittersweet goodbye

Six long and physically tiring days out of eight. That's how many days since last Saturday I was helping a friend pack. My back is stiff, but I've been sleeping well after each packing day. He's getting on a plane in less than an hour, moving out of state.

We've had a very interesting friendship over the last 15 years. Basically we support each other, but we also get frustrated and angry at each other. And that's it tonight. He probably will be back once in a while for work purposes, but there really is no other reason for him to visit, otherwise.

Interestingly, even though he is not my oldest friend, I think I have had more contact with him than with any other friend. But all good things must come to an end. We can only look back with fond memories and look forward to catching up when we see each other again.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What do you look for in a close friend? Has it been easier to stay in touch nowadays because of social media?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Stereotypes and exoticism

Let's make this clear. I don't like the word "ethnic." It conjures up non-existent exoticism. It implies "you're different." Why is Korean food "ethnic" but German food not? Is English food ethnic? If not, why not? How about South African cuisine? Do most people even know what it is? Portuguese (not Brazilian) vs Spanish?

Lately I've noticed a lot of neologism implying Japanese origin. Give something a Japanese-sounding name and it becomes elevated and hip, like "emoji," "yuba," "seitan," etc. Maybe it's because stereotypes of the Japanese tend to be positive? How soon we forget how Japanese-Americans were treated 60 years ago. Maybe it's because it sounds exotic but is still pronounceable.

My point is, certain cultures have been exoticized and romanticized. All cultures have their own characteristics, but it seems non-European cultures are more likely to be seen as exotic. Even practices that are limited to a very small region become "representative." Just read Internet comments on eating dogs, but we eat squirrels in the South and guinea pigs (aka cuy) in South America. There is major outcry over whale meat but we hardly hear a whimper on puffins. Not everyone with easy Internet access is an expert, but it certainly results in plenty of unsubstantiated comments.

I think people just need to get out more. I really don't think the Pope is exotic.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you found yourself calling something "ethnic" or "exotic" because it's not what you're familiar with? Do you spend time finding out more about the culture, or do you rely on stereotypes for information?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Ibuprofen to the rescue

I've had a few long and physically exhausting days. Some of you may recall I've been helping a friend pack for an out-of-state move. It's really quite remarkable how much stuff one can accumulate over the years. And much of it is heavy! And it's not done yet. The next couple of days are going to be challenging. The place needs to be emptied by Saturday, but it feels like we haven't made a dent.

I don't know what I'll do when it's my turn. It wasn't fun the last time I moved and that was just for a few blocks. Funnily enough, the movers were early and I actually saw them driving up the street on my way to buy more moving boxes. I was still packing while they were loading up the truck.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Do you usually stay put, or do you like to move every few years? Are you a homeowner or a renter? What are your reasons for your living arrangement?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Can I trust the data?

The data are fascinating, but I probably shouldn't get too excited.

This is from the native Stats analysis. Google Analytics uses different algorithms. All this does is tell me where the bots are. This is showing one week. If I change it to show the last month, the order of country names is almost the same.

As soon as I publish this blog, the number of pageviews will start going up from zero. Are bots going to be making decisions for us soon? What's the point of the artificially inflated number of views? Yes, I know! Clicks = pageviews = revenue. It's all just a numbers game. I should publish a post completely made up of gibberish and see how many hits it gets. It's going to be interesting fighting Autocorrect.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How do you use data analysis generated by algorithms? How effective do you think algorithms are as an analytical tool?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Everyone's an expert

Where to begin?

Social media and easy access to the Internet have given rise to a very special population: the keyboard warriors. They wax eloquent on any topic under the sun even though it's obvious they have no training or experience in the topic at hand, and yet they profess to be experts despite not knowing what they're talking about. Usually because they've seen something similar on a TV show.

I think all graduate schools and professional training programs should consider going out of business since TV shows are now the training ground for the next generation of professionals.

I really don't know why I bother to read these "expert" opinions, since they infuriate and sadden me in equal measures. All I can say is, I'm glad I haven't seen a name of any of my friends attached to these uninformed opinions masquerading as facts!

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you come across comments and opinion pieces that make you fear for the future of humankind? Have you ever replied to a comment and find yourself drawn into an unwinnable war of words? Have you contributed to a discussion that wasn't going anywhere? Or, do you like to provoke reactions and watch the world burn?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Free speech, but be prepared for consequences

This past Friday, a video of a woman wearing a British Airways stewardess uniform on a rant about Nigerian passengers surfaced on Snapchat. It is not known yet if she is a real employee. If she is, this is serious stuff. If not, it's not funny at all. Either way, it's serious stuff and it's not funny, but I'm making the distinction because an employee has an obligation to represent their employer in a professional manner even when they're off-duty. And she was wearing a uniform supposedly on her way to her shift/flight, so if this is a joke, it's malicious.

Granted this is British Airways, but British law does understand the importance of free speech. The problem is, the general population doesn't understand what it means. In the US, it simply means one cannot be prosecuted for criticizing the government. People have taken it to mean they can say anything without consequences. Wrong!

If an employee's behavior, even outside of work, reflects poorly on the employer, there should be consequences. This is not the same as suppressing free speech. But if someone is exercising their rights to be offensive, they should be prepared for disciplinary action, including termination of employment. I feel bad for BA and all employers who have to do damage control because of rogue employees who do not understand the ABCs: Antecedent, Behavior, Consequences.

Note there's nothing here about prosecution, since it is not an illegal activity. Employment is usually at-will, so unless termination is done in violation of the law, it's simply a wise business decision. Unions may make termination harder, but generally they don't take too kindly to hate speech, either. Cut your losses before you lose business due to the bad publicity propagating like uncontrollable weeds through social media. But of course the employees will argue they're exercising their rights to free speech. So the employer is exercising their rights to hire and fire. That's fair.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you come across questionable or hateful content masqueraded as free speech? How do we balance our rights to voice our opinion and the rights of others not to be harmed by it?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.n

Is it really Fall?

It is just past 10 pm and it's still 80 degrees. It's been very hot the last few days. Even just walking one block outside was unpleasant. I like Summer, but while we have Summer temperatures, we have shorter days! It's already dark by 7:30 pm. And it's almost October.

I know a lot of people who prefer warm temperatures. I actually can't wait for Fall/Autumn. Well, it is Fall. Except it isn't. I think Fall is the most beautiful season, but that means Winter will be around the corner. I guess we can only enjoy it while we can. The temperature will go down in the next few days towards the 70s. Now that's comfortable.

Anyway, it's the start to another week and also the last week of September. I hope everyone enjoyed the last days of Summer.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How do you cope with extreme weathers? Do you agree we are experiencing climate change?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I'm exhausted

A friend that I have known for about 17 years is moving out of state. We've been supportive of each other for at least 15. We've had a lot of fun, interesting arguments, and thoughtful discussions over the years.

I'd been busy this weekend helping them pack for the move. It's tiring, especially when one has accumulated so much stuff over the years. What to keep, what to donate, what to discard. Packing for a move is exhausting! By the end of each day, I think I was no longer coherent. And then, there's the unpacking! Well, I won't be there for that one. I helped pack and unpack for their last two in-town moves, and they reciprocated for my last two.

The last couple of times I moved, I dreaded packing. Each time, after a year or so, I still had boxes I had not unpacked. I guess I didn't really need the stuff. My biggest vice is books. I just can't help buying books. Not to read (I read on my Kindle app), but I just like collecting books. And, of course, books are heavy and take up a lot of space. I have two bookcases along two walls. It's not going to be fun when it's my turn to pack and move, but it'll have to happen some day.

It's also sad to see good friends move away. But, that's life. People come into and move out of your life all the time. It's inevitable. I've lost touch with a lot of people I knew in college and from previous jobs. I've also made new friends through networking and social events. Some I don't see anymore because they're now living in another state. We try to stay in touch through social media nowadays.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories on friendship. Are you good at keeping in touch? Is it hard to once they've moved away?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

It's Sunday!

Another hot day!

This weekend has been fairly uneventful, so I'm going to list some websites I follow that amuse me or lift my spirits among a lot of sad, disturbing, or unpleasant news. Some may be NSFW!

1.  Engrish
2.  Cake Wrecks
3.  Damn You Autocorrect
4.  Terrible Real Estate Agent Photographs
5.  Sign Language

It has become my daily morning routine to see what is posted on these sites. Check them out for a good chuckle everyday!

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Are there websites, blogs, etc. you visit on a regular basis that you would recommend for amusement?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

"Death"

I like spicy food. My friends think I'm crazy. I don't do challenges, not because I can't stand the heat but because I can't eat fast enough.

Only one dish has ever beaten me: Level Five of Hell Ramen at Strings Ramen Shop.

Now here's a contender. I tried the X-hot from The Budlong and it was fine, so I tweeted about it. They told me they had something called "super crazy extra hot," which I tried today. Well, it had a nice heat, but it wasn't unbearable.

And then I found out they had an even hotter offering called "Death." Neither is on the menu. You know that means I'll have to get it! Especially since "super crazy extra hot" didn't kill me.

I know! Hey, at least I'm doing this willingly! Care to join me?

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How adventurous are you when it comes to food? Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat (I draw the line at chicken feet; I can't stand the way they look!)?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I like Spam; I don't like spam

The more connections I make, the more my email address and phone number are out there. I'm sure they come up in internet searches. It's inevitable.

I've been getting a lot of calls from numbers I don't recognize. I get that there are people whose numbers I have not yet programmed into my phone. But they don't leave messages! I have a web-based voicemail system that attempts to display the account name for the number, if they're publicly listed. Many show nothing. It does flag possible spam calls, which is nice. And if it's a blocked caller ID or unknown number, they don't even get to leave a voicemail message. If they don't want me to know who they are, the voicemail system drops them.

I'm also getting a lot more emails trying to sell me things I don't even know I need. Like walk-in bathtubs. Seriously, I get that a lot. I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for that. I sign up for a lot of stuff, but I'm sure walk-in bathtubs aren't on my list of must-buys. The Nigerian princes and their widows have pretty much left me alone, but the FBI seems to be desperately wanting to give me millions of dollars. From Africa.

The other day I apparently spammed myself. An email supposedly from me, from an email address I have never seen, arrived at one of my many email addresses. I have several email addresses for different purposes. This one had once received an email from a contact but from a completely different email address, which Outlook flagged as possible spam. It was. Outlooked flagged this one too, and it was from the same email server. Outlook does do its job well most of the time.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How do you handle phone calls from numbers you don't recognize? Do you answer in case it is actually legitimate, or do you screen your calls? What is the most outrageous spam you've ever received? I need a laugh!

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

End of Summer?

Woke up to another scorching day. Are we sure Summer is supposed to end tomorrow? Maybe our calendars are all wrong. Maybe it's climate change? No! Can't be! The experts are wrong. There is no climate change. It's all a lie.

On the other hand, L'shanah Tovah Happy Rosh Hashanah to my Jewish friends. Happy New Year and Have a Sweet Year!

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How are you enjoying the weather? Are you ready for Fall already? Any plans for this weekend? I know, it's almost weekend.

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Overthink much?

You're overthinking!

Has that happened to you? Do you sometimes wonder, are they just looking for a simple answer, or am I supposed to read more into it?

Sometimes it makes too much sense for it to be real, right? You think, there's got to be more to this. We don't want to come across as morons, so we think, there is a subtext, so we need to think, what kind of answer are they really looking for. Well, sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar.

A social conversation sometimes is like a dance. It's not a conversation if it's one party dominating the interaction. So, when you are asked for an opinion, or to make a choice, are you playing some kind of mind game, or do they really just want to know if you'd like a cup of tea?

Obviously, different cultures have very different communication styles. Small talks can trip people up if they don't understand the nuances. "How are you?" as most people understand is not an invitation for a dissertation. There usually is not a need to contemplate, why are they asking and what should I say. "What's for lunch?" is less straightforward.

"Do I look fat in this?" That's a tricky one. Are they looking for a compliment, reassurance, or honest opinion? That's a minefield. Get it wrong, and you're in deep trouble.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Do you sometimes find yourself in a situation that is actually less complicated than you thought? How did you find out a simpler answer or solution would have sufficed?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

I love my job (most of the time)

I teach at the college level. I love seeing students grow in knowledge and maturity from when they first start their academic journey to when they walk across the stage. I love seeing the light bulb go off and the look on their faces as they make the connection between theory and application.

I've also seen some difficult students. Some start out with the attitude that they don't need to learn what's being taught in the classroom because they already know everything. We have to find a way to open their eyes to see there is still a lot to learn about the world around them. Chalk it up to lack of exposure. It's not always easier. Some will never get it.

It's a tough job. Those of us who do it certainly aren't out to make a ton of money. But Commencement is always a proud moment. Now if only educators were better recognized.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Has there been a teacher or professor who has inspired you? How did they inspire you? Do you agree that educators are not given the respect they deserve? Why do you think our attitude towards teachers is so different from other countries'?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

And people do this everyday

I live in the city. I don't own a car. I rent a car occasionally for work. I hate sitting in traffic. Took me an hour and a half to drive from Bartlett back to the city this afternoon. 39 miles! And people do this everyday.

I used to commute. I used to live in the burbs and work in the city. I used to live in the city and work in the burbs. How many equivalent years of my life did I waste sitting in traffic being annoyed? Now I live in the city and hardly drive. Don't miss it at all.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What was your worst commute? Would you give it up? What are your pros and cons for commuting?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Deportation and child removal threats despite legal status

I read this and thought how familiar this sounded even though this happened in the UK. Stories like this coming out of the UK seem to be becoming more frequent, or maybe they manage to get on the news more often now.

Back at home, we read about heavy handed tactics to fight illegal immigration. Legal immigrants and permanent residents are being snagged amidst the frenzy to deport undocumented immigrants. Despite how one feels about immigration, the rhetoric ignores the fact that these are human beings with friends and families. They have names and stories. They deserve dignity. They are not numbers. They are not faceless intruders.

Of course, most of the vitriol is directed towards specific groups because they fit the stereotype. Many did enter the country illegally (and most likely at high risk), but many just simply overstayed. The news sensationalize crimes committed by undocumented immigrants to fit the narrative that they are dangerous. There are many who are not visible, who are not obvious, and who have chosen to stay in the shadows. Others are saying, "No more."

There is a lot of misinformation about undocumented immigrants thanks to the current political climate. Let's face it. The majority are law-abiding. They are not welfare recipients. Most hold minimum wage jobs and pay taxes. Most work at jobs that no one else wants. They pay into Social Security, which they will never be eligible to collect. They are not displacing permanent residents or citizens, but it's a good deflection.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Are you or do you know anyone who is an immigrant? How do you feel about undocumented immigrants? Do you think our immigration policy should be overhauled? If so, in which direction?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Learn to speak English!

Which English? Not only are there differences among English-speaking countries, there are regional differences within each one! Plus, the US does NOT have an official language! If we did, which one should we adopt? I recommend Cockney rhyming slang.

Most Americans have very little exposure to anything outside of their parochial circle. They'd be lost if they thought all British people spoke the Queen's English (blame PBS for that!). I have heard so many people who have never traveled outside of the United States, or possibly even outside of their own state, complain that "foreigners" need to learn to speak English. Their English is fine. You just don't understand them because they speak with an accent. Try visiting a different state and see how well you do! I recommend listening to someone with a thick Scottish brogue (actually, there is no ONE Scottish accent, either). That's English, but not as you know it.

What they're saying is, you're not White, you don't look like us, you speak funny, and I don't care if you have a PhD and you are the preeminent expert in your field. You don't look like us and you don't speak like us, so you're not one of us. And if you do speak "perfect English," they "compliment" you with "you speak English so well!" We just can't win, can we?

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you witnessed this type of microaggression? How do you think it should be addressed?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

My first and probably last balut

I finally had balut yesterday. It has been on my very short list of foods I am terrified of. It tasted surprisingly good, and it was a much younger embryo than usual, so no visible beak or anything like that, but there were definitely feathers! The white was also rather rubbery, which was unexpected. I don't think I'll ever eat balut again, but at least I can say I've tried it and I did not dislike it. I'm just not in any hurry for another one. I'm sure my fear showed.

I also had my first boodle fight. That was amazing. It was a fun communal experience. The owner was on hand with helpful advice. I think he was amused by our enthusiasm.

I could not help but stare at other tables. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Food was plentiful and service was friendly. I really felt like I was a guest at someone's house. We agreed that food was a great way to bring people together. If only food could become the currency of diplomacy.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. I am interested in hearing how you approach food. What does it mean to you? Is there anything you've been dying to try? Is there anything you absolutely will not eat? Never say never?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Woke up to news of another terrorist attack

It is very difficult to understand the justification of killing people for the sake of ideology. I won't dignify it as being done in the name of religion. Religion is about personal salvation. Personal salvation in exchange for loss of lives is not acceptable. Any powerful deity who is all-knowing would not allow it. Religious teachings are written by humans who attempt to interpret their deity's intention as if they have a direct line.

I cannot in clear conscience follow a deity who commands their followers to kill infidels or sinners, whatever the definition is. I am not just condemning the appropriation of Islam, but Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, and Hinduism as well. Religion itself does not condone violence, but fanatics ignore the message of loving and helping one another and use it to propagate their own agenda.

I live very near a Planned Parenthood clinic. I know people who have availed themselves of their healthcare services. Focusing only on abortion, which already does not receive any government funding, is shortsighted. Holding them hostage for just a very small portion of what they do is evil. All it does is making affordable healthcare unavailable for low-income women, and that's not very neighborly.

While I have my opinion on abortion, I truly believe pro-choice is not equivalent to pro-abortion. Education is the key to preventing unwanted pregnancies, but they do happen. Women are overwhelmingly the victims, but all the rhetoric has almost always excluded them from the discussion. Women don't need patronizing. They need an equal voice.

If one truly believes theirs is the only true religion, make the effort to convince people to convert. Killing them defeats the purpose. Terrorist acts will not convince them to believe in a deity who wants them dead.

I had a Twitter thread hijacked by a religious group who claims to be true followers. All they perpetuate are lies and hatred. That's not religion. There's no personal salvation there. There's also no point in reasoning or arguing with them. They twist any sane and reasonable argument to suit their own agenda. They will have to answer for it eventually. I'm sure their deity is not too pleased with them.

What makes people so marginalized they turn to hateful rhetoric that exhorts them to kill in the name of religion? This becomes a vicious cycle. Not all terrorists are uneducated, but they believe they have been wronged and they are justified in what they do. It's time to wake up and listen.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Do you know people who have been affected by terrorist acts? Why do you think people are willing to sacrifice nonbelievers for their own salvation? What would you do to counter the current hateful climate?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

It's Friday!

It's going to be a busy weekend. I like being busy. I hope all my efforts pan out. I have been rebranding myself and diversifying what I do. This is certainly different from working a regular job collecting a regular paycheck. It's all about knowing the right people under the right circumstances. I seem to be busier now with a lot of meetings and making connections. The waiting for results is a bit frustrating, even though I know eventually they'll come.

I like structure, and this feels very unstructured. I never know what the day will bring. A lot of it depends on other people coming through. I have a lot of ideas, and I'm very good with execution. My strength is in problem-solving and strategic planning. I tend to be very logical and practical. I might even be conservative when it comes to taking risks. I don't promise anything I cannot deliver.

There's a reason why I don't start something if I'm not sure if I can finish it, even if it's just a personal project or hobby. I think I need to get out more!

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How has your week been? What are your plans for the weekend? If you could give one piece of life advice, what would it be?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Technology: it's a love-hate relationship

I just lost a blog!

I have no idea what happened. It was from many years ago, which I hadn't looked at in a long time. I keep my travelogs as blogs, you see. All but two photos had disappeared. No idea why.

On the plus side, they're not that exciting. I'm sure if I go again I'll probably be able to snap similar photos, but that's beside the point. At least all my other blogs are intact. I did have to reorganize one because the formatting was all wrong. It apparently had a mind of its own.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you lost stuff because the computer wasn't doing what it was supposed to do? How catastrophic was it?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

42

I feel like l need to write a more upbeat post. The last few have been a bit deep. I don't necessarily mean something that makes you, the reader, happy, but I certainly hope it'll make you chuckle.

What's "42?" I think many of you get the reference, but for the uninitiated, it's the answer to life, the universe, and everything. According to Douglas Adams. Or, more accurately, Deep Thought, which/who took 7 1/2 million years to figure that out.

"42" is also the title of a Doctor Who episode, in which events take place in 42 minutes for real. Well. Sort of. After all, it takes place in space on a spaceship taken over by an alien lifeform and The Doctor and Martha have 42 minutes to save everyone. It's shorter than the 50-minute hour. I think the 42-minute hour sounds reasonable.

This always makes me laugh. Sometimes when I'm at a restaurant and there is an opportunity for people watching, it's always fun to see how engaged people are by how much they're staring at their phones.

I think I had mentioned in another post. I'll quit when it stops being fun. I've actually quit when it stopped being fun. Mostly it was because of how the place was managed. Ego before comraderie. When it gets to a point where you dread going to work it's time for an exit strategy.

I've been drinking a lot of tea. I like good tea. Got this as a freebie from Adagio. It's actually quite good, especially if you like fresh ginger.

I really, really need this book. It's out of print, but I might be able to get it from a secondhand bookstore. Beautiful pictures, makes you forget everything's vegan. It's not my birthday yet, but if you want to buy me a copy, I'll take it! I collect cookbooks. I'm fascinated by how cuisines evolve and adapt. I'm intrigued by the creativity and ingenuity to use whatever is available. It's an art.

I also look out for first printing hardcovers. I just collect them. They're probably not even worth anything. Anyone want to buy all seven Harry Potter British Collector's Edition? I think three or four of them are first printing. Pristine condition, never been read. Not autographed, sorry.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. I would like to hear about silly things that have crossed your mind. I need a chuckle once in a while.

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Just some random thoughts

It's still early and I'm wired. It's going to be a while before I can fall asleep, so I thought I'd share some random thoughts. There is no significance to any of it, and there is no specific order of importance.

• Normal is overrated. I said that way before Gregory House did. I should sue him for plagiarism.
• I've been mulling a restaurant concept. I need someone willing to throw money away and invest. There is no guarantee it'll work, but the more I wait the more likely someone will steal the idea.
• I'm weird. There! I've said it.
• I can't wait to wear my Winter coat. I love my Winter coat.
• I talk to myself all the time. It must seem strange to other people.
• Where can I go where I don't have to talk to people?
• Sometimes I wish I had a car, and then I remember there's something called parking and insurance.
• All these unexplained bruises and cuts are making me look bad.
• I'll quit when it stops being fun. That's my personal motto.
• Who'll win in a staring contest: Weeping Angel or Silent?
• I should invent a new language.
• I don't like most foods that most people like, but at least I'll try most foods once (as long as it's actual food, that real people eat, somewhere on Earth).
• I refuse to eat chicken feet.
• I don't normally eat cheese, salads, or sandwiches. There are exceptions.
• I don't get poké.
• I want to be a superhero. I can't figure out yet what superpower I want.
• I like being alone. I'm not lonely. I'm just very competitive with myself. That can be awkward.
• I like vegan food, so sue me.
• I might go on a fast. It's really nothing.
• Which reminds me, eating is a waste of time. It should be an enjoyable activity, not a necessity.
• I need an off switch.
• I often wonder what people think when they see me. Strangers either ask me for directions or they think I'm angry. Apparently my facial expressions don't match how I actually feel.
• Most people eat to live. I live to eat.
• I'm fine not eating for a few days. It doesn't bother me at all.
• I think I probably won't eat until Friday.
• I can't get this song out of my head.
• I feel like writing a novel. Why not?
• I should pick up knitting again. And then I can be the little old lady who knits.
• I should just put on some music.
• Well, I think I just spent an hour or so making a useless list of random thoughts. I feel pretty good about that.
• I think I'll make another list next time I'm bored. Good night for now.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What strange and random thoughts have you had? Did you share them with anyone? How were they received?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

A restless night

Some kind of beeping has been going on since yesterday in the hallway. The last time this happened, it went on for days, because no one could figure out where it was coming from. It's just three beeps over and over again. Not loud enough to be distracting but just enough to be annoying. Especially when it's pretty quiet and it's the only noise throughout the night. I wish I could post a recording.

This brings to mind the amount of artificial noise in modern society to warn us about dangers. When does it become just background noise to be ignored? When I first moved here, the constant sirens, especially late at night, were almost unbearable. Now it's just a fact of life.

Other noises include turn signals that we sometimes forget to turn off, seatbelt warnings that people often ignore, car alarms set off accidentally, etc. It's too easy to get acclimated to. Of course false alarms should be turned off ASAP, but what if it's just continuous and nothing can be done?

Then there are the really loud noises like construction work, so loud you can't hear yourself think. Trying to work when all you can hear is the drilling. Which you can't escape because you're in the building where the construction is going on. Once there was road construction right outside being done only at night. I get that it's to minimize disruption to traffic, but it's outside residential buildings, and most people are trying to sleep.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Has this happened to you? How have you coped with the interference? How can we balance the need for necessary warnings and construction work with the need to respect people's sanity?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

What is ethical is not always moral

I'm wading into controversial territory.

Unlike teachers, healthcare workers, social workers, and mental health professionals, priests are not mandated reporters. Understandably, this feels morally wrong. There had been too many cases of sexual abuse that had gone unreported. I am in no way advocating that nothing is to be done. However, a priest's duty is to save souls. That is their calling.

While the priest cannot alert authorities if they are aware of an abuse in the course of a confession, they are in a very powerful position to encourage the individual to do so themselves. There are other ways to ensure justice is served without violating the code of ethics. On the other hand, they are not bound by that oath if the knowledge did not come from a confession. Indeed, if the individual is truly repentant, they need more than just forgiveness.

The Church has made a lot of mistakes, but this is not the reason for my post. My empathy lies with those who struggle with the need to keep confidentiality despite it being morally wrong.

Why do I feel they should abide by that oath even though it is morally wrong? Because it is ethically right. What is ethical is not always moral. That is a dilemma all helping professions face. The code of ethics is very clear on what is acceptable professional behavior. Most are common sense, but some go against normal sensibility.

I am not just talking about abuse, which the law is quite clear on. The priesthood is a special case. There are other situations when the code of ethics forbids one to do the "right" thing. What then? A client clearly needs a hug, but nonprofessionally necessary physical contact is strictly forbidden. A client's family needs an update but the client's guardian refuses to give consent.

It is a very hard decision to make, to go against something that is morally wrong because otherwise one would have to violate their perspective code of ethics and very likely lose their license to practice. It may seem selfish to think "I might lose my license," but it's a lot more than that. It's also a matter of trust. It might sound contradictory, but a professional must be trusted to uphold their code of ethics every time. Without fail. They don't get to pick and choose as they please when and where they would violate their code of ethics. This is where problem-solving comes in. What can one do instead to make things right under the circumstances?

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Have you had to keep confidentiality in your professional capacity even though you feel it is the wrong thing to do?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Social media: Blessing or curse?

I think I have an account for most social media platforms. I do enjoy reading posts and following the news. I like being able to stay in touch with faraway friends. What pains me is the amount of irrelevant, trolling, threatening, and uninformed comments. I like reading comments to see what people think, and then I run into comments that make me fear for the future of humanity.

Newspapers used to screen letters to the editor before they're published. Now anyone can compose and post something, some completely incoherent, hiding anonymously behind a computer screen. Is this what society has become? The ability to say whatever with no expectation of consequences? The ability to get a rise out of other people because they can?

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. How do you use social media? Do you feel social media have removed actual human interactions even though they allow more social "engagement?"

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Owning it

It's hard to believe, but I haven't had a proper vacation in over five years. Sure I've taken time off and gone away, but a real proper vacation to somewhere unusual away from what I normally know? To think I used to do at least one or two proper trips just so I can walk around, eat, shop, mingle, and marvel in a new city. I'm not fond of doing touristy things. I like going somewhere walkable with good local cuisines, museums, and places with historical significance. In that order. I like nature, but nature doesn't always like me.

My last trip thus summer was pretty good. 10 days, no responsibilities. I guess I could consider this the break in my dry spell. I got to see different parts of the city I had never seen before and met up with local friends to catch up. It's a bit different from other trips, but I needed the break. I'm glad I did it.

Five years is a long time to not have done my yearly quota. I blame that on sense of duty that makes it hard to say "I'll take care of it when I get back." Not every responsibility can be postponed or delegated. There are deadlines because every process affects people's lives. Whenever I mention this just as a matter of fact, I get unsolicited advice or disbelieving questions. Well, they've never been in my position.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What would be your ideal destination? Are you the adventurous or leisurely type when you travel? Do you "work" while you're on vacation?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

9/11: Never Forget

Today is 9.11.2017. I still remember the day it happened. I had taken the day off for a doctor's appointment. My alarm was set to the radio. When it went off, I was still too sleepy to register. After a couple of snoozes as my brain started to wake up, I heard something about a plane hitting the second tower.

I quickly turned on the TV and watched with incredulity the nonstop footage. It did not seem real, but it was. I heard Chicago was evacuating the Loop. I heard from friends who were being herded onto Metra trains, which apparently had a very efficient evacuation plan to get people out of the city quickly and in an orderly manner. I heard about business travelers being stranded as all flights and Amtrak had been canceled. I heard from friends and colleagues who unsuccessfully tried to reach friends and family in New York. I know people who have lost someone that day.

The doctor's office had the news on. It was impossible to ignore. The enormity of the tragedy gave way to bewilderment. There were people who hated us so much they were willing to put on an unmissable spectacle and sacrifice thousands of people just to prove a point.

Then the backlash and posturing. That day's events gave people permission to articulate their hatred, racism, bigotry, and ignorance masked as righteous indignation. They legitimized terrorist acts regardless of the ideology behind them. It wasn't that hard to justify attacking a particular group of people if they're defending their way of life against infidels.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. What are your memories? How has 9/11 changed you?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

What is microaggression, and why does it exist?

Has this ever happened to you? Someone is paying you a compliment (they think) when in fact it is a thinly veiled (albeit unintentional) insult? How do you confront them when they don't understand why you're offended?

What about the times someone decides they are more versed than you about your cultural heritage and proceeds to argue with you or even lecture you on how much of a disappointment you are to your family because you are not an expert on everything cultural? I had someone, a total stranger, scold (yes, scold) me for not speaking Korean and demand to know why my parents didn't teach me Korean. He was genuinely indignant! Hint: I'm NOT Korean.

Even when you point out their error they still insist they are more knowledgeable and therefor more of an expert than you? "I've been reading" they say. "I study these things," they insist. Well, they haven't lived it, but they won't let that little technicality get in the way.

Someone I knew lectured me on how Chinese food should not be expensive because she learned that from her college roommate, who was from China. I had to remind her that China had a long history of emperors who probably were not eating egg foo yung and fried rice everyday and that her roommate was a product of communism, which for decades did not have a habit of eating out, and indeed eating out well.

Of course most of you will have heard that cringeworthy question: "Where are you from?" "No, where are you really from?" "What is your nationality?" Does it matter? Although, I get that question a lot from recent immigrants, too. Obviously the intentions are different, but I find it equally irritating.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Tell me about the times when you have experienced microaggression: How did you handle the situation?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

What is cultural appropriation?

When do flattery and imitation become offensive? Is it offensive for me to wear a sari (I love saris, by the way)? Is it okay for you to wear a cheongsam/qipao? Are we engaging in cultural appropriation when we do?

Much has been written and debated upon lately on reclaiming minority groups' cultural symbols, practices, and traditions. There has been anger towards chefs, for example, who specialize in cuisines that do not form part of their cultural heritage. Are we supposed to confine ourselves to only arts from our own cultural background? Are we not allowed to learn from or even emulate other cultures?

I know this is a dangerous topic. Diversity should be welcome but it is also a controversial issue. Get it wrong and the debate can turn nasty. On the other hand, we forget we have the privilege to engage in these discussions and benefit from diverse views. Not all cultures welcome differences.

So, reader, I am asking for your thoughts. What does cultural appropriation mean to you? Does it exist? Are we just being overly sensitive and easily offended? Where do you draw the line?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Inefficiency or Incompetence?

When was the last time you had to call your cable company, utility company, phone company, or some other service provider? How long did it take? How many reps did you have to talk to before you were finally talking to someone who actually had some authority to help you?

I feel bad for the reps. They're doing a job without being given the tools to do their job. They ask tons of questions, which you patiently (I hope) answer and then find out they can't help you because they're in the wrong department.

So they transfer you to another department. After a lengthy rendition of elevator music punctuated by occasional ads, you are connected to the next rep. Then the horror of Groundhog Day begins for possibly the next couple of hours. You keep getting transferred, and you keep having to explain why you're calling. Again. And again. And again.

Companies frequently confuse streamlining with efficiency. Maybe it makes sense to them, but that is inefficient and incompetent customer service. Oh, the keyword is "service." The customer is not there to make life easier for the company. The company is supposed to serve the customer for the best possible customer experience.

But no, some corporate jobsworth thinks each employee should specialize in only one aspect of customer service (if you can call it that), and the customer should be passed along like at an assembly line. No, I do not want to explain my issue to the 10th person after having explained it to nine of your colleagues already (look it up on your computer screen; I'd hope they had all been taking notes!) plus having to endure annoying elevator music with the intermittent ubiquitous ads about all the services you offer!

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Tell me about the times when you had to deal with less-than-satusfacory customer service: How did you handle the situation?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.

Helpful critique or unwelcome advice?

This is not particularly new, but I seem to notice it more now. When I just want a conversation and a sympathetic ear, I inevitably seem to solicit unwelcome or unhelpful advice. All I want to do is vocalize my thoughts or frustration. I really don't need someone to tell me, "Well, it's happened to me before. Let me tell you about it." Sorry, not interested!

What else bugs me about this? Someone who has an answer to everything, whether they know it or not. Instead of validating my experience, they're downplaying and trivializing it. Hey, this was what I did. "Why didn't you do that instead?" Well, I didn't! I am telling you what I did. I am not asking for a critique.

No, seriously, if I want your advice, I'll ask you for it. I'll make it clear and unambiguous, "I need your advice." "What do you think?" "What should I do?" "What do you recommend?" On the other hand, if I tell you about my day without clearly asking for a comment, I am not looking for one. I really don't care to hear how you had it better or worse.

So, reader, I am asking for your stories. Tell me about the times when someone gives you unsolicited advice or critique: How did you handle the situation?

As always, please keep it civil and relevant. I promise I will refrain from commenting on your experience, but I might be curious enough to ask questions to better understand your story.